I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
