Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
