You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it's great music for shaving your balls
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
