What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
