I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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