someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she told me i tasted like america
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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