hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
of course. lets lasso hookers.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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