I think my fart just growled at me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
