Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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