The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
