We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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