I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.