my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
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I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.