My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
