do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
