this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
