her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
