he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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