this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The air was thick with penises
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
