Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
