Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you win again, gameday.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
