dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
