dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
