I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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