but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
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