I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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