Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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