I smell stomach acid.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
