she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
