so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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