I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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