I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
