wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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