Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
