How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
