I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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