If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
