I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
In other news, I just burned my penis
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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