I just threw up on my dentist
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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