Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
