Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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