dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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