They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
