Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
