i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
