i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
