I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
