my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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