the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
