wanna go halves on a baby?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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