If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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