And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
