I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
