Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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