halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
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