My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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