Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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