I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he fucked my hip out of place.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
