I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
