yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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