Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
