I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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