i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
