Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
