Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize