DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
