good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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