I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
