everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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